some women are wild horses ~ part 1

My hubby and I talk a lot these days about a certain kind of woman we've come to refer to as the "wild horse". Let me preface this by saying that what I write below is for the emotionally healthy woman who is wholeheartedly submitted to God, not for example, a rebellious woman. I just want to make that clear.

She can't be fenced in. Ever. She needs complete freedom, without any expectations. Always. Especially in her creativity.

You can't make her go where you want her to go. If she trusts your love, she'll walk alongside you without reservation. If you trust her instincts, she'll lead you to secret places, where only you and her can go.

You can't try to control or regulate her passion and energy. She has a desperate need to express herself fully. To deny her this would crush her spirit.

If you respect the wildness in her heart, protect and nurture it, she will be yours wholeheartedly. She will give herself to you completely.

Some women will slowly die on the inside under any other circumstances. We'll be dying without even realizing it.

A little over a year ago my husband was challenged on this. By the grace of God, he willingly listened to that small still voice. My God released me from a burden, and opened the gates to my dear hubby and I experiencing a depth of love and passion between each other that we had never known.

Here's a song below called "All The Wild Horses" by Ray LaMontagne. This song comes to mind whenever I see or hear of a wife that is being controlled, or confined. It breaks my heart. Her man doesn't realize that through his misguided attitude, he is robbing not only her, but himself. This song is dedicated to all the wild horses who have bits in their mouths, and are at risk for losing their wild spirit.

All The Wild Horses
Ray LaMontagne

All the wild horses
All the wild horses
Tethered with tears in their eyes
May no man's touch ever tame
May no man's reigns ever chain you
And may no man's weight ever defrayed your soul
And as for the clouds
Just let them roll
Roll away
Roll away
As for the clouds
Just let them roll
Roll away
Roll away

wives submit to your husbands

This is a short post, considering the subject matter. And let me preface this by saying that abusive men are discounted from everything I say below. You've excused yourself from what Christ requires of you, so your wives are not obliged to subject themselves to something contrary to Scripture. Just my opinion.

I was telling my husband that I feel those "in love" feelings toward him when he affirms me, when he loves me unconditionally, especially when I feel overwhelmed with fears or am buckling under the weight of the world. That reminded me of the scripture where it says "Husbands love your wives....". It made me wonder about "wives submit to your husband". What if it means wives accept your husbands love, receive his words, embrace his nurturing, choose to rest in the words he speaks to you through his God-given love for you....

Others might think, nah, it means women should obey their husbands, but I'm thinking that's a very base way of interpreting it.

Must ponder this more!

a sexually unresponsive wife

This morning I feebly attempted to share some thoughts on a public forum to a husband who has a wife that is a refuser. He's fed up, resents his wife, and resents God for not fixing the problem. He struggles with how he chooses to cope. Really, if we were honest, we might feel the exact same way. By the way, a 'refuser' is a spouse that could easily live without sexual intimacy and tries to avoid it. From what I've seen, this problem is experienced among men and women alike.

Looking back, I cringe at my audacity in being so blunt, but alas, this is what I said to him:

Perhaps God hasn't answered your prayers because of your own stubbornness. PLEASE don't take that as criticism. I can be the queen of stubbornness, but it has only been through hardship and struggles that God has refined me and pressured me (through the hardship) to grow in maturity and humility. It could be that you thinking that God should have intervened in her heart by now indicates that you are thinking it's all her. Perhaps God is waiting for you to look at yourself. After all, in the end, it's all about the person we see in the mirror. It could be that you're playing the blame game.

When I see you say things like "if only DW would snap out of it", it's no wonder that things are not getting resolved.

You've said that "her sex drive is the problem". Do you know that you are a huge factor in her sex drive? Do you court your wife? Do you woo her? I think when we're married we soon forget that spouses should never stop being lovers. They should never stop romancing each other, in NON-sexual ways. If your wife is not responding, have you looked at where you could be dropping the ball?

You help her through her dramas, giving her advice. You've said that this should be meeting her intimacy needs. Be careful that you are not doing this SO you are meeting her needs, but doing it because from the bottom of your heart you WANT to meet her needs. A woman, subconsciously probably, can tell the difference, at least in her heart. Listening to her problems and offering advice is just a drop in the bucket of how to love your wife.

As far as your salvation, you need to STOP that negative talk right now. A Christian is not a perfect person, without sin. A Christian can be struggling with very dark sinful things, but that doesn't mean they are lost. You need to meditate on God's grace and mercy. I'd really dig into the Word, do some googling, and retrain your mind to stand against those kinds of thoughts that wish to make you give up. Essentially, they are meant to give yourself over to sin, because what's the point in resisting if you're lost anyways. It's from the pit.

I hope I haven't come across as being harsh. Believe me, I am FOR you. May God open up your eyes and heart to what He's trying to teach you, and to how much He deeply loves you, despite what the enemy would lead you to think. This all is just as much about you, as it is about her.

Blessings!!

I'm only going by my own personal experience, but one can't deny that it's human nature to blame the other guy, isn't it?

Hubby and I have a book order coming from Bookcloseouts, which includes Zig Ziglar's book, "Courtship After Marriage: Romance Can Last a Lifetime".

Here's a quote I snatched from an exerpt at Amazon.com:

As your marriage endures and grows, you recognize that the real long-range benefit of a solid marriage comes from the security of knowing you have someone who accepts you, loves you, understands you, is a real helpmate, encourager, and supporter; one who is loyal to you and delights in pleasing you because you have first of all done and been all of those things to your spouse.

Here's a synopsis of his book, of which I'm very excited about reading:

Romance doesn't have to fade. That warm, loving, respectful commitment you made to your spouse when you said "I do" can stay--and even grow stronger--throughout your years together. Zig Ziglar's commonsense approach, which includes examples from life, helpful personal anecdotes, scientific data, and provocative quizzes, will help you keep your romance alive. Inside, you'll find: Six steps for "starting over" -- no matter how long you've been married; Strategies to avoid the "Three A's of Divorce"; Advice to revive romance and keep sexuality sizzling, and much more. PLUS--a unique sixty-six question survey to evaluate the state of your marriage--both before and after you read this book!

the outcome of a marital wake-up call, and why i'm starting yet another blog

his puzzle. my coffee.
I've wanted to start a blog dedicated to the subject of marriage for awhile now, especially in light of this soon-to-be-drawing-to-a-close year my hubby and I just went through. Very long-standing problems (probably 16 years worth) were finally dealt with, and with a very fine toothed comb at that. It had to get worse before it got better, but it was all worth it. It's been our most blessed year yet, and it just keeps getting better.

Here's something I said to someone recently:

...Being freed from expectations was necessary due to my husband's former attitude towards sex. He thought "quantity, not quality". I had come to feel like a sex object. We had sex, but no sexual intimacy. We had love, but were not lovers. My husband came to realize how much this had hurt my feelings for him, and prayed for me to be healed, and for him to be healed. Well God truly blessed us with a paradigm shift, We could write a book!

I must also say that all of this has been such a blessing to my dear man because he says it's thrilling to have a wife that wants him. Since our marriage has been healed, no other man understands me like he does, exhorts me spiritually as he does, blesses me by making me feel honored and respected like he does, wants the best for me like he does. All he expects from me is that I accept his tender love. That makes him the most attractive man in the world.

How personal I plan to get on here has yet to be decided. I see other Christian women's blogs of the same flavour get quite candid and I'm sure it's a blessing to many people. The subject of sex in marriage is a vastly neglected one, especially in the greater Christian community. Still, I've been shocked and delighted to find that the "prude Christian" is the exception, and not the rule. Very cool.